Love aur Me

A ray of sunshine, amidst dark clouded sky. You were my light, at the end of a dark tunnel. A very beautiful hope, of a life filled with pure love. You made me realise, how miniscule we humans are, how limited our idea of love is. You lead me onto a journey of a selfless love. You took my heart.  The way you latched onto me, oblivious of your sharp nails, at times digging them deep into my skin. The face you made, unaccepting the multivitamins drops I forced into your mouth. Kissing your forehead on those last few moments we shared. I see you around everywhere, your shadow being by side, as always. My baby boo, my chitti, my sweetheart.

We process grief in stages. It passes through denial, anger, guilt, helplessness and finally acceptance. These may vary from person to person, in different order, emotions are last thing to follow any predicted pattern. I have several reasons to be angry. But anger doesn't make things easier for anyone in anyway. It further pushes us into deep trouble. Isn't anger like any other emotion which makes us aware of the life within?? I have hurt people close to me by using hurtful words uttered in anger. Though unintended, they must have for sure scarred their heart. But we all need a let out. Unless the useless stuff leaves our body we can't add anything more useful as its replacement. So everyone has a right to feel anger, without hurting anyone else. I am angry, more of helpless, scared may be. We all are leading our lives as if it is eternal. Hoping for a day when all our problems will vanish. When all our needs will be met, all our desires fulfilled.  The funny part being be...

How unaware are we of the different lives around. How narrow is our scope of thinking, limited to our own needs. I have seen people grieving the loss of their pets over the internet. I had lost a pup when I was a kid myself, he was with me for less than a week, as far as I can recall. The pain then was too bad, I had blamed myself for it, though it was never anything in my control then neither it was now. How do you erase the glimpses of seeing your child that helpless?? Holding her lifeless body in your arms. Making desparate efforts to find a way out. How far do you control your instincts of a parent and of your profession as a doctor?? I wanted to intervene as a parent, but the doctor in me disagreed. You have to trust the person who has more experience at handling such emergencies.  After all even the doctors are human, with their own limitations, it's unfair to expect miracles out of them. They can't play the role of God, they are just an instrument in his hands. May be it...

I had plans to chronicle each day spent in your company, having you playing by my side. Your quirkiness, your mischievous acts, your love, your positivity,  But here I am left with your memories. You were my sunshine. My moon, my stars. My breath of fresh air. My love. Your life is to celebrated my baby, apart from grieving our loss. Such a strong girl you were, full of life and full of zeal. You were so particular about the important things at such a tiny age. Your intelligence was above par of anyone I have come across yet. You were a divine intervention in our lives. To shower us with loads of love and to give one more reason to make our time on this planet worthwhile. You have opened up a completely unexplored arena in our lives. I had only heard but never experienced how animals hold the capacity of making human lives better. You made me more empathetic towards every form of life around. You taught so much to so many people in such short span. Not everything can be put into wo...

I hadn't imagined myself writing anything like this in my weirdest of dreams. I have suffered several losses in my life till date, but this one is too hard to cope up with. When the life you love the most, breathes their last breaths in your embrace, is it a boon or bane?? You can see their suffering right in front of your eyes. A part of you dies seeing them go through the pain, another part of you hopes for a miracle, to snatch their life back from the death. Your racing mind goes through every minute details of the past, which could have lead to this situation.  Guilt, anger, hopelessness gripples you like dark thundering clouds, leading to a heavy down pour. Life is fleeting, things change in brief seconds. So cherish life in all forms you find around. And pass around love, every soul needs it..  My baby you'll always stay in my heart. My sweetheart, my baby boo, my phudku, you were my jaan. You taught me how to love selflessly, how to take care of self so that you can tak...